Mar 25 2008
Shit Nobody Needs (Part 2)
As mentioned in my previous post about “Shit Nobody Needs,” I found a few more can’t-live-without products.
The Outside Shower
Are you sick and tired of having your disgusting house guests use your shower? If you’re like me, you are! Relegate them to outside showering, and keep their filth outdoors. As you can see, this revolutionary product attaches to a regular old garden hose. This way, they won’t use up all your hot water, either! Note: MILF in photo is a serving suggestion only and does not come with purchase of the Outside Shower.
The Dough-nu-matic
You’ve asked for it, and it’s finally here! The incredible Dough-nu-matic automatic doughnut making machine! This fantastic new device cranks out piping-hot miniature doughnuts in less than a minute! It’s absolutely perfect for all those times when you’ve said to yourself, “I sure wish I could have piping-hot miniature doughnuts in less than a minute!”
Five Simple Rules for Life Wallhanging
This attractive wall hanging offers a gentle reminder of the five simple rules for life. You’ll notice that each of the rules begin with the letter L, which is really neat. Yes, one of the rules of life is “life”. Another one is “live”. Those may seem like odd rules, but it’s tough to come up with five, all beginning with the letter L, and we had already named it before we decided what the rules would be. The middle rule is “laugh”, which is exactly what your friends will do when you put this in your house.
The Hunter Hearing Aid
Have you ever wanted to look like you were deaf, while you go hunting? If you’re like me, you have! This Hunter Hearing Aid provides the perfect solution. Some states even offer a discount hunting license for handicappers, and nobody will ask twice once they see this 1980’s model hearing aid affixed to your head. Also, it’s good if you ever want to pretend you didn’t hear something.
Five-in-One Shoes
Have you ever found shoes that were so unbearably ugly, you didn’t want to ever take them off? Did you wish you could take the sole of the shoe off, and replace it with another sole, thereby creating more than one shoe (in one!)? Well, these hideous shoes go three steps further! Introducing the 5-in-1 shoe. Just take the soles of your shoes off, and replace it with one of the other four pairs of soles that you’ve been carrying around with you all day.
NeckPro Traction Device
Are you clumsy and prone to injury? Well then this is for you! Do you not know how to tie a noose? Well then this is for you! Do you desperately want a new party trick for your next social engagement? Well then this is for you! Do you frequently wish you could pull a cord that would yank your head towards the ceiling? Well then this is for you! Are you the kind of person who will buy absolutely any kind of shit if it’s offered to you in an in-flight catalogue? Well then this is for you!
Dude… you totally passed up the chance to type:
“It’s Dough-nu-mite!!!!”
Shame on you. Now… I’m off to replace the soles of my shoes while I hang life rules on the wall of my outdoor shower while deafly hunting. Jeez… hope I dont hurt my neck in the process…
a) what makes you think she’s a MILF? She’s like 19, and 19-year-olds that have kids aren’t typically ILF’s. I think she’s just a regular GILF, or a 19YOILF.
b) most people that think they need doughnuts, shouldn’t have them. (just sayin’)
Dude, she’s like 40. Get a clue.
maybe she is 40now, but she was 19 the last time those one-piece bathing suits were in.
I just looked at this again and I have to say — any 40 year-old that looks like that…. come to think of it, I really shouldn’t finish that sentence.