May 07 2008
Things I always think
My brother reminded me that I haven’t posted in far too long. It’s not that I’ve had something better to do, I’ve just been working like crazy. So, I’m sitting at the airport at 5 in the morning and find myself with an abundance of free time (25 minutes = abundance) and I thought, “what the heck, I’ll post to my blog that nobody reads.”
I don’t really have anything creative or important to write about. So I’m going to tell you two things that I always think of, and that my girlfriend is sick of hearing me say.
1) If your job is to hold a sign, you are worthless. You’re replacing a stick. In fact, whoever hired you thought it was easier to pay you your tiny salary, than to buy a stick. This goes for the sign twirlers in front of the new condominiums everywhere you go, the guys working the mall during the holiday rush, and the (always overly dirty) people holding the “slow” signs in front of construction work on the road. I can’t possibly imagine how terrible it would feel to know that your job could be replaced by something that cavemen invented.
2) Regarding pizza boxes: the instructions should be on every side. I’ve never once pulled out a box of frozen pizza from the freezer and thought to myself, “hmmm, I sure would like to read about the history of the Totino’s brand,” or, “Gosh, I wonder what makes DiGiorno taste so good, is it their ingredients?” Never. Every single time, I’m looking for the instructions. Just the instructions. Because I want to eat some fucking pizza. So put the instructions on every side of the box. Mark my words, whichever brand figures this out first, I will only buy their pizza from now on. Imagine a perfect world where you pull a pizza out of the freezer, and right there staring back at you are baking instructions. Imagine if they weren’t hidden in tiny-ass font on the side of the box, but rather, in GIANT BOLD WRITING on every side: BAKE AT 350° FOR 12-15 MINUTES. That would rock my world. And probably my BMI.
Also, on a total sidenote: I voted today. For Ron Paul. It’s sad that the exact same thing would happen whether I mail my ballot in or throw it away in the nearest trash can (actually, recycle bin, I don’t throw away paper…). But it’s principle. And it’s important. I also am reading the best book ever, and I encourage you to check it out. The Revolution: A Manifesto
You’re right. Your girlfriend is sick of hearing you say those things. Maybe you should always be thinking about her instead.
Haha. Thanks Nate.